The Locked Door – “I am OK”, Really?

Last week in our discussion of the chameleon we discovered that the sense of significance can only come when we dig deep and not spread thin.  We were all born with the desire to feel deeply connected and valued, and it is in safety that we can achieve this.

Another manifestation of the Locked Door phenomenon can be seen in the “I am OK, I can manage” approach to life.

STRIVING TO BE OK

I was like that when I first came to Australia, I experienced a sense of displacement but on the surface I was this brave young kid who worked hard at excelling at school while looking after a sick mum.  l was so determined I got into leadership everywhere I went. Deep down inside I felt alienated and feared abandonment.  (I later learnt that this fear took root when my father died when I was two years old.  As an infant I did not know how to cope so the survival instinct switched off the connection button.)

THE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT

The fear of abandonment often prevents us from making deep connection just in case.....  we can expect a lot of love but  do not know how to love.  We keep people at arm’s length but often hope secretly for more commitment and loyalty than we would admit.   The sad thing is this is often a self-fulfilling prophecy; due to the inability to connect, or unwillingness to connect, we end up driving people away and hence feeling abandoned!!!

NEVER LEAVE NOR FORSAKE

When I finally met the Perfect Man, every ounce of me surrendered to His promises of eternal love, faithfulness, the fact that He would never leave me nor forsake me.  This began the journey of Love which helped to root me and stabilize me emotionally, and make me the person I am today.  NO, I am not talking about my husband, who IS a godly and wonderful man – I am talking about the One we all can come to love and be loved the same way.    Mike Bickle from IHOP has this saying:  “I am God’s favourite!!!  You are also God’s favourite, in fact, we ALL are God’s favourite!!!  it’s unfathomable, isn’t it?

HE KNOWS THE ONETHING

Our relationship with God IS that personal and individual, yet so communal and wide scale – that’s the mystery of God, He sees everything yet He KNOWS the one thing which hides under the insecurity of our hearts – He comes and He quiets us with His Love, bring us into a place of feeling safe with him, and then.....He cuts off that cancerous growth and makes us whole.

This is our Beloved’s Signature, - He loves us for who we are, yet He loves us enough to not leave us at the place where He had found us; He reaches out and takes us by the hand, cleans us up, gives us a new identity, and teaches us how to live in Freedom.

FREEDOM TO OPEN THE DOOR

True freedom is to love in spite of..., true freedom is to know that when we open our hearts to people we WILL get hurt sometimes, but trust that our Father is more than able to heal us, and make us stronger through the experience.  True freedom is to know that even if you knew in advance “Judas” would betray you, you would love him the same – so the purpose of God can be fulfilled!!!! 

So the next time you say “I am ok”, ask yourself these questions:  Am I OK because I have built such a high fence that no one has been able to jump over and hurt me?   Am I OK because I have become so self-reliant so no one could disappoint me?  Or, I am really OK because I have tasted the freedom of TRUE LOVE, the love that heals all wounds.

Let’s revolutionize LOVE!

Diep-Thanh

THE LOCKED DOOR –THE CHAMELEON

Today we are going to have a look at some of the manifestations of a locked up heart due to past disappointments, rejections, hurts, tragedies. 

Everybody can identify the reclusive person who is obviously shutting the world out; but there are more subtle ones that at first glance we might overlook.

The Chameleon

The first group I have come across is what I would call the “chameleons”.  I don’t mean it in a derogative way, but as a description of someone who adapts to their environment for survival.

If you are a Chameleon, you are good at survival. You make yourself fit into different groups; not willing to stir up any contentions, you outwardly agree with almost everything.  This can be good if not for the intense loneliness you feel when you are by yourself.

You have a large social network, and look happy at first glance; but deep down you feel insecure that if people know who you really are they won’t stay.  At times you are so well blended with the various groups you associate with that you lose track of who you really are.  In the search of significance in various different situations you have in reality lost your sense of significance of being yourself.

Lacking Peace?

This leads you to an inability to feel AT PEACE with yourself, always looking for something outward to settle that sense of insecurity, filling your life with things and people to ease the loneliness.

You look for things that would help you be more acceptable and loveable.  You could be an early adaptor to new teachings, even in Christianity.  You embrace things quickly but find it hard to translate this into behavioural transformation; in frustration you then look for yet another new thing to embrace.

It’s a Lie!

The heart of the matter is you cannot trust that you are loveable as you are and hence worthy of deep meaningful connections.  While yearning for intimacy you are too afraid to let people come close in case they discover this “truth” that you have always believed about yourself. 

My friend, this, in God’s economy, has been a lie!!!  A lie which was sowed through your early disappointments, rejections, unhealed wounds.  A lie which further isolate you and separate you from the Love that you really deserve.

The way through this is to begin to recognise the lie, and to discover where this has taken root in your life.  Then to discover that there is Someone perfect, far above what we can imagined or expected: Someone who knows that you cannot trust any mere mortals to treat you well and love you warts and all, so He offered Himself.

A Love That Took Away Your Imperfections!

On the Cross, Jesus took away ALL our Imperfections, ALL our pain, All our injuries – He demonstrated His love for you way long before you knew of His existence.  He did this so you can live again!  This is the LOVE that you have been looking for.  So by allowing this PERFECT Man to come into your heart, you will find the keys that would release you into self-acceptance, and into safety. 

It is in this place of safety that we are no longer prisoners of fear and insecurity.  We can choose to allow people to come into our lives in meaningful ways, so that together, we can impact the world in meaningful ways.

This  LOVE is the desire of your heart, and it is the answer to your loneliness.

I encourage you to be brave, to take the courage to explore the depth of God’s Love through our journey in the next few posts.

Diep-Thanh